(Editor’s Note: Andrew is the writer of the The ‘Ropolitans Mets blog, which I highly recommend. When I offered him a guest blogging slot and said he could blog about anything, including tomatoes, he took it literally, and here’s the result. And please note, the opinions expressed by the guest blogger are those solely of the guest blogger and may not represent those of the editor.)
What a disgusting food. These little red vegetables may be one of the most repulsive things I’ve ever put in my mouth, and don’t think that list is exclusively food.
The tomato needs to choose a consistency. Are you going to be chewy? Are you going to be gooey? Do you have a skin? What’s with these seeds? Whatever you are, I despise you.
You’re not even tasty when you’re ground up into a near-liquid and placed in a bottle. You look like blood, and by rule, I never eat anything that looks like blood — or has blood in the name. Ketchup, or catsup as you are sometimes referred, could be taken off the market, and I would not be sad. You are a vile food when you must be chewed or when you can be eaten through a straw.
I don’t like how you look either. You sort of remind me of the gentle curves of a woman’s body, but you are so bright red, you hurt my eyes. I’ve never smelled a tomato, but I assume they smell poorly.
So sight, taste and smell are all negatives in my eyes. Then I ask why – WHY? – is the tomato so popular?!?!? Yuck.